A toddlers rite of passage = a mothers rite to compensation
I used to think it was an urban myth, a legend, a wives tale, an exaggeration at least. You know the tale, the one where the pesky toddler empties the contents of their diaper and spreads their little human feces all over the universe?!? This only happens in zoos, amongst monkeys and gorillas and other primates...so I thought.
Well, as of today, you may call me a legend. :/
Little bit was in her crib for a nap, and I use that term loosely because she mostly plays and often sleeps, but playing takes the center stage with her. It got quiet after half an hour and I thought she was sleeping ( FIRST MISTAKE!.....NEVER, I REPEAT, NEVER TAKE SILENCE FOR SLEEP) All you experienced moms out there are shaking your heads at my novice oversight.
Anyhow after twenty minutes she starts saying "mahhhm maaaaaahhhhm" so I decide to check in on her. ( SECOND MISTAKE! I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN A GLASS OF SPARKLING CIDER AND SAT OUT ON MY PORCH IN THE SUN)
AS I opened the door, the aroma, or should I say, STENCH, that assaulted my nostrils resembled an open sewer. Poo...feces.. whatever you want to call it was everywhere!!!!
AS I stepped closer ( THIRD MISTAKE!!!! I SHOULD HAVE SMILED CHEERILY AND TURNED AROUND, SHUT THE DOOR, WALKED AWAY AND TOSSED A POPSICLE IN FOR A SNACK LATER)
I noticed that 'Little Bit' had poo covering her whole body, face, eyes, bed, crib, carpet,blankets, dolls, books...shall I go on?
Fortunately hubby was home for lunch break and in a moment of insanity he actually picked up the poo covered monkey and plopped her in the bathtub ( I LOVE HIM), while I stared at all that poo!
Was it all from one little girl?
What sort of animal died in her digestive system to produce such an odor?
Would dolly ever be the same after a bleach bath?
Would THAT smell ever go away?
Was there workman's compensation for the job ahead of me?
After an hour of wiping, scrubbing soaking etc. I think we are almost poo free at our house, though her room still has a hint of ode de feces lingering.
Little bit also smells nicer, which makes it easier to forgive her moment of monkey-like digression. We gave her a bum-stinging reminder that diapers stay on and a toddleresque lecture consisting of:
"Diaper stay on, no diaper off, no poo everyewhere,no, no stinky poo yucky, obey mommy"
As for compensation, I think a day at the spa sounds like a good trade off for cleaning up all that poo, but I suppose I will have to settle for delayed gratification, when in a few years she is potty trained, and in a few more years when she will be told the story of her nap gone wrong, which is obvious proof that we come from monkeys.....or at least act like them sometimes.
Well, as of today, you may call me a legend. :/
Little bit was in her crib for a nap, and I use that term loosely because she mostly plays and often sleeps, but playing takes the center stage with her. It got quiet after half an hour and I thought she was sleeping ( FIRST MISTAKE!.....NEVER, I REPEAT, NEVER TAKE SILENCE FOR SLEEP) All you experienced moms out there are shaking your heads at my novice oversight.
Anyhow after twenty minutes she starts saying "mahhhm maaaaaahhhhm" so I decide to check in on her. ( SECOND MISTAKE! I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN A GLASS OF SPARKLING CIDER AND SAT OUT ON MY PORCH IN THE SUN)
AS I opened the door, the aroma, or should I say, STENCH, that assaulted my nostrils resembled an open sewer. Poo...feces.. whatever you want to call it was everywhere!!!!
AS I stepped closer ( THIRD MISTAKE!!!! I SHOULD HAVE SMILED CHEERILY AND TURNED AROUND, SHUT THE DOOR, WALKED AWAY AND TOSSED A POPSICLE IN FOR A SNACK LATER)
I noticed that 'Little Bit' had poo covering her whole body, face, eyes, bed, crib, carpet,blankets, dolls, books...shall I go on?
Fortunately hubby was home for lunch break and in a moment of insanity he actually picked up the poo covered monkey and plopped her in the bathtub ( I LOVE HIM), while I stared at all that poo!
Was it all from one little girl?
What sort of animal died in her digestive system to produce such an odor?
Would dolly ever be the same after a bleach bath?
Would THAT smell ever go away?
Was there workman's compensation for the job ahead of me?
After an hour of wiping, scrubbing soaking etc. I think we are almost poo free at our house, though her room still has a hint of ode de feces lingering.
Little bit also smells nicer, which makes it easier to forgive her moment of monkey-like digression. We gave her a bum-stinging reminder that diapers stay on and a toddleresque lecture consisting of:
"Diaper stay on, no diaper off, no poo everyewhere,no, no stinky poo yucky, obey mommy"
As for compensation, I think a day at the spa sounds like a good trade off for cleaning up all that poo, but I suppose I will have to settle for delayed gratification, when in a few years she is potty trained, and in a few more years when she will be told the story of her nap gone wrong, which is obvious proof that we come from monkeys.....or at least act like them sometimes.
posted by svea at
4:09 PM
13 Comments:
ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
I AM FREAKING OUT!!! THAT IS GREAT! awwww poor mommy.
ps i mean "great" as in "not great"
like people say "wicked" when they really mean "good" ;)
oh my goodness!!! that is awful...
i'd say, a day at the spa is definitely in order!!
tee,hee, didn't want to take pics of that one did ya?!?!;)
ruth- I totally hear you thanks for the sympathy
es-lets just say taking a picture crossed my mind for a nano second, but the stench took over and all thoughts of photographic documentation vanished....
Oh Svea, I feel for you. Nothing like a poop filled crib...and daughter. Thank God for "dad's to the rescue!"
EEEEEEEK that sounds HORRIBLE!! That is definitely deserving of a day at the spa!!
Oh she'll love to hear all about that one someday!!
Thanks for the LAUGH! Fortunately, my little guy hasn't done that yet, though he does try to "help" wipe when I'm changing a stinker... yuk!
Svea, I have tears streaming down my face! I can totally visualize it! I am a bit surprised not to see a photo...would've been good for you photography group!
All I can say is WOW! Thankfully I have not had that happen...and I pray that it never does. Grace to you. Oh but it does give you a good story. And it makes me smile.
Love, Joc
oh, my word!!!! that has been my worst nightmare, and I can honestly say, in hindsight, your day was most definitely worse than mine. maybe we should go to the spa together!
Svea, I have never laughed so hard. I'm so sorry! Little bit's little bum is quite the stench producer huh? we sure love you.I'm hoping by reading this to Ej, that she'll learn from her cousin's indescressions and avoid similar escapades.
Man,
I think little girls are the worst culprits of this. My boys never did that but my little girl did as did my sister.
Is it possible to be thankful that it only took an hour to clean up the mess.
ah ha ha. i know that must have stunk...literally and emotionally but still, that just made my day! oh well, blame it on the innocence of children, right?
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